40+ Questions to Ask Before (and During) Marriage

40+ Questions to Ask Before (and During) Marriage

I recently began premarital counseling with a young couple who is engaged. In order to help them think through various important aspects of their marriage, I presented them with the list of questions below. However, these are simply a starting point for conversation and are not limited to those who are currently engaged. Even if you’ve been married for many years, I encourage you to spend time answering these questions with your spouse.

Family Life

What is the meaning of marriage, according to the Bible?
What does quality time look like to you?
How are tasks shared in the home: Cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.?
Should we have children? Why or why not?
How important is sex? How do you understand who initiates sex? How often?
Would we consider adoption or foster care?
How often should we go on dates?
What are the appropriate ways to discipline our children?
What signs of affection will you show our children?
How will we educate our kids? Home/private/public school? College?
What will holidays look like with our families?

Theology and Worship

What do you believe about God, the Bible, salvation, sin, eternity, etc.?
What should I spend my time reading?
Do we need to memorize Scripture together?
What should our family devotions look like? Who takes the lead here?
How important is a corporate worship gathering? What about other areas of church life?
Is it important for us to be part of a small group/discipleship group?
What is the importance of music in life and worship? How important is preaching?
What are your daily personal devotional practices? (Prayer, Scripture reading, singing, etc.)

Lifestyle

Who will work? Will either of us stay at home?
What determines where we will locate (job, church, family, etc.)?
How do we view our money? How much do we give to the church?
Do we need a financial budget? Who is responsible for making financial decisions?
Do I look at Facebook more than I look at my fiancé/spouse?
How often should we eat out?
What kind of vacations are helpful for us (pricing, location, frequency, etc.)?
Should we have a television? What is fitting to watch? How much time should be spent watching TV?
How important is hospitality? How often should we host people in our home?
What will we do if one of us really likes to hang out with a specific person and the other doesn’t?
What about situations where one of us might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?

Conflict

What makes you angry? How should we handle anger and frustration?
Will we go to bed angry at each other?
What if we both disagree about what should be done?
What is a serious issue and what isn’t a serious issue?
What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

Sickness and Health

How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
Do you have any sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship?
How do we decide what to eat? Is McDonald’s ever okay?
Do you have any habits that are harmful to your health (eating, addiction, etc.)
What are your thoughts on medicine, vitamins, vaccines, etc.?

Stephen Forrester joined the Rocky Creek staff as a Pastoral Resident in 2018.
He is a graduate of the University of South Carolina and is currently pursuing an M.Div.
from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.