40+ Questions to Ask Before (and During) Marriage

I recently began premarital counseling with a young couple who is engaged. In order to...
April 23, 2019

I recently began premarital counseling with a young couple who is engaged. In order to help them think through various important aspects of their marriage, I presented them with the list of questions below. However, these are simply a starting point for conversation and are not limited to those who are currently engaged. Even if you’ve been married for many years, I encourage you to spend time answering these questions with your spouse.

Family Life

  • What is the meaning of marriage, according to the Bible?
  • What does quality time look like to you?
  • How are tasks shared in the home: Cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.?
  • Should we have children? Why or why not?
  • How important is sex? How do you understand who initiates sex? How often?
  • Would we consider adoption or foster care?
  • How often should we go on dates?
  • What are the appropriate ways to discipline our children?
  • What signs of affection will you show our children?
  • How will we educate our kids? Home/private/public school? College?
  • What will holidays look like with our families?

Theology and Worship

  • What do you believe about God, the Bible, salvation, sin, eternity, etc.?
  • What should I spend my time reading?
  • Do we need to memorize Scripture together?
  • What should our family devotions look like? Who takes the lead here?
  • How important is a corporate worship gathering? What about other areas of church life?
  • Is it important for us to be part of a small group/discipleship group?
  • What is the importance of music in life and worship? How important is preaching?
  • What are your daily personal devotional practices? (prayer, scripture reading, singing, etc.)


  • Who will work? Will either of us stay at home?
  • What determines where we will locate (job, church, family, etc.)?
  • How do we view our money? How much do we give to the church?
  • Do we need a financial budget? Who is responsible for making financial decisions?
  • Do I look at Facebook more than I look at my fiancé/spouse?
  • How often should we eat out?
  • What kind of vacations are helpful for us (pricing, location, frequency, etc.)?
  • Should we have a television? What is fitting to watch? How much time should be spent watching TV?
  • How important is hospitality? How often should we host people in our home?
  • What will we do if one of us really likes to hang out with a specific person and the other doesn’t?
  • What about situations where one of us might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?


  • What makes you angry? How should we handle anger and frustration?
  • Will we go to bed angry at each other?
  • What if we both disagree about what should be done?
  • What is a serious issue and what isn’t a serious issue?
  • What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

Sickness and Health

  • How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
  • Do you have any sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship?
  • How do we decide what to eat? Is McDonald’s ever okay?
  • Do you have any habits that are harmful to your health (eating, addiction, etc.)
  • What are your thoughts on medicine, vitamins, vaccines, etc.?