I recently began premarital counseling with a young couple who is engaged. In order to help them think through various important aspects of their marriage, I presented them with the list of questions below. However, these are simply a starting point for conversation and are not limited to those who are currently engaged. Even if you’ve been married for many years, I encourage you to spend time answering these questions with your spouse.
- What is the meaning of marriage, according to the Bible?
- What does quality time look like to you?
- How are tasks shared in the home: Cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.?
- Should we have children? Why or why not?
- How important is sex? How do you understand who initiates sex? How often?
- Would we consider adoption or foster care?
- How often should we go on dates?
- What are the appropriate ways to discipline our children?
- What signs of affection will you show our children?
- How will we educate our kids? Home/private/public school? College?
- What will holidays look like with our families?
Theology and Worship
- What do you believe about God, the Bible, salvation, sin, eternity, etc.?
- What should I spend my time reading?
- Do we need to memorize Scripture together?
- What should our family devotions look like? Who takes the lead here?
- How important is a corporate worship gathering? What about other areas of church life?
- Is it important for us to be part of a small group/discipleship group?
- What is the importance of music in life and worship? How important is preaching?
- What are your daily personal devotional practices? (prayer, scripture reading, singing, etc.)
- Who will work? Will either of us stay at home?
- What determines where we will locate (job, church, family, etc.)?
- How do we view our money? How much do we give to the church?
- Do we need a financial budget? Who is responsible for making financial decisions?
- Do I look at Facebook more than I look at my fiancé/spouse?
- How often should we eat out?
- What kind of vacations are helpful for us (pricing, location, frequency, etc.)?
- Should we have a television? What is fitting to watch? How much time should be spent watching TV?
- How important is hospitality? How often should we host people in our home?
- What will we do if one of us really likes to hang out with a specific person and the other doesn’t?
- What about situations where one of us might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?
- What makes you angry? How should we handle anger and frustration?
- Will we go to bed angry at each other?
- What if we both disagree about what should be done?
- What is a serious issue and what isn’t a serious issue?
- What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?
Sickness and Health
- How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
- Do you have any sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship?
- How do we decide what to eat? Is McDonald’s ever okay?
- Do you have any habits that are harmful to your health (eating, addiction, etc.)
- What are your thoughts on medicine, vitamins, vaccines, etc.?