Shame & Blame

When Adam and Eve sinned, they were inclined to hide in shame and point in...
July 18, 2021

When Adam and Eve sinned, they were inclined to hide in shame and point in blame. All marriages can fall into the same trap of refusing responsibility for sin.

But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9).



In our sin, guilt overwhelms us and causes us to hide due to shame.


And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden (Genesis 3:8)


Shame Before God

  • After Adam and Eve sinned, it was the first time they retreated from God.
  • Whenever they would hear God coming before, they eagerly received Him.
  • In condemnation, the same sound caused fear, not because God changed, but because they had.
  • Unconfessed sin causes us to drift away from God.


Shame Before Spouse

  • The physical covering represented a distrusting and shameful mentality that affects all relationships.
  • Sin makes us suspicious of each other’s trustworthiness.
  • Sin causes distrust within a marriage, and if forgiveness is not consistently pursued, the union will ultimately suffer.



In our guilt, we seek to find a scapegoat to blame for our sin.


The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12-13).


Blaming Your Spouse

  • Adam started his defense by blaming Eve for giving him the fruit.
  • He blamed her for giving him the temptation when he was supposed to have given the commandment.
  • In your attempt to blame-shift, don’t make your spouse the target of justifying your mistakes.
  • God will not hold your spouse accountable for your mistakes.


Blaming Your God

  • In addition to blaming Eve, Adam blamed God for giving him Eve in the first place.
  • If wrong has been done, God is not responsible.
  • Blaming your situation implies that if God had done something different, you wouldn’t have sinned.


Blaming Your Enemy

  • Eve followed Adam’s example and blamed Satan for her sin.
  • “The devil made me do it” has been a popular excuse since the beginning of time.
  • While the enemy can tempt you, he cannot force you to sin.
  • Satan may provide the temptation, but we are the ones who commit the transgression.


The Solution

  • Accept the fact that you are not perfect and not invincible to temptation’s influence.
  • Accept the fact that your spouse struggles with sin just like you – even if it is not in the same way.
  • Confession is vital for ridding yourself of shame.
  • Refuse to engage in conditional apologies which justify your sin.
  • Take responsibility for your sin.
  • Seek to make it right with your God and your spouse.